The last few weeks I started seeing a trend. People posting the below picture comparison. People changing their Facebook profile pictures to the below “FASHION Magazine” photo. I tried it out for myself and below are my results. I tried it out for one reason and one reason only.. for this blog.
Although many of you may disagree, and that’s completely fine, I don’t like the photo on the right. It looks fake and even worse… it does not even look like me!! Where is Stacy in that photo?!
This is the true me. The me with no make up.
Then you have the me with makeup
Personally, I think any 3 of these pictures are better than the “Fashion Magazine” photo.
Have you ever wondered why you see so many celebrities go to rehab? Think about the pressure they are constantly under to be someone that they are not. I am not talking about acting in a role.. I am talking about their image.
If they go to the grocery store wearing sweat pants with no makeup the headlines state they look “homeless” or they are in a “deep, dark depression”. If they do not consistently have the facials, the personal training, and the plastic surgeries then they have “let themselves go” and are “irrelevant” now. How exhausting is that?!
I do not like the photo on the right because it shows zero imperfection. Guess what… I have cellulite. Guess what… I have 2 huge dark sun spots on my forehead from being a stupid teenager and using tanning beds 4-5 days a week 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️. Guess what… I have 2 scars on my face. One from a soccer ball hitting my glasses as a kid and the other from a horrible car accident that left me with sutures and now a scar. Would you see any of that in the right photo above?.. no. That picture does not tell a story. It does not tell my incredible life story.
Don’t get me wrong, I love make-up. I love facials, lasers, and Botox. I am not against any of those things. And trust me, if I could get rid of every cellulite or dimple on my body I’d be the first in line!! Sign me up! 🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️. I wear make-up daily. I get Botox in my forehead. I get facials.
No matter the amount of Botox, facial, laser treatment etc you can still see the true person beneath. You still see Stacy. My heart shines through in my pictures.
I have such a huge following of teenage girls and I want to.. I NEED to spread this message in hopes that they don’t go down the wrong path. Be true to yourself. Embrace your imperfections because nobody is perfect. The women and men you see on television and in the magazines are not perfect. It is an illusion. It is deception. There is nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself as long as you stay true to who you are.
As women and men we have a huge responsibility to our youth to be examples of being true to yourself. It is important to love our youth unconditionally. It is important to love them for who they are. God created each of us uniquely for a purpose.
Below is what motivates me to stay true to myself…. my family and my amazing GOD. Remember, don’t settle for that fake picture on the right…. you are better than that.
It has been a rough last 24 hours in the Wessley household. There have not been any catastrophic events. There have not been any major fights or issues. Nothing new or different in our household really. It has been one of those times where we have all been so strong for so long that eventually the pain and the struggles comes out.
Having two daughters makes for a pretty emotional household at times. I am sure my husband would definitely agree to that one! The girls and I are really not moody people… but we are females. One minute you want one thing while the next you want something different. Or suddenly you stopped liking the food you used to eat daily and why didn’t your husband (or dad) read your mind and know you did not like that food any longer?! Lol. We are females and females can be confusing!
My husband and I recently finished reading “The Purpose Driven Life”. I highly highly recommend everyone read this book.
Because it was such an incredible book we decided to read it aloud with our daughters. At the end of each chapter there is a bible verse and a question. While answering the question, our oldest daughter Britney began tearing up. She went on about how much she is motivated by her sister. Her sister battles Cystic Fibrosis and watching what she goes through on a daily basis makes Britney push through whatever she is faced with. It melted my heart to hear her talk about her sister in that way. She was expressing her LOVE for her sister. It also was another example of how when one family member struggles, it is really a family struggle.
I spent a large amount of time in our prayer room after that moment. I spent time reading the Bible, praying, crying, and just sitting in silence. There is so much power in quietness and in scripture. It is amazing when you just sit in your thoughts how calming it can be. The below picture is our prayer room. It is our spare bedroom’s closet. It is now completely filled with pieces of paper with prayers written on them. It is a powerful room.
Our youngest daughter, Natalie, who battles Cystic Fibrosis, had five temporary caps placed on her teeth after shattering those teeth in a horrific car accident we were in almost three years ago. One cap had fallen off yesterday evening and I was hoping she could be seen by her dentist and a new cap would be placed today. I called as soon as they opened and they were able to squeeze her in! The appointment lasted about one hour and then we were good to go. On the way to pick her up some lunch before she headed back to school I suddenly noticed how quiet she became. She was crying.
“I just want to have normal teeth. Why did this ever have to happen?”
My heart broke for her. Day in and day out this girl has so much to do in order to just keep functioning. Her disease is time consuming and it is stressful. The thought of her having added stress just kills me.
“Sweetheart, your teeth are beautiful. I understand it is not fair and I hate that you have to go through this.”
I then told her about a prayer I started saying a few weeks ago…
GOD,
Please help me accept the things
that I cannot change.
I said that prayer to her, put my hand on her leg, and told her I loved her. Within seconds she was smiling and excitedly telling me a story about school.
I realize it appears that I always have my shit together but let me be transparent with you… I do not. Sure I do most of the time, but not always. Almost every day this past week I have teared up and/or flat out cried. Even the strongest of people break down and cry. It’s us strong ones that don’t stay in the tears. We pick ourselves back up and carry on with our lives feeling extremely blessed.
No, I am not depressed. I am passionate. I am passionate about so many things in this life. I cried when I heard the story about the Florida shooting because those who are affected are my brothers and sisters in Christ. I cried because there is so much evil in this world and I am so sad that not everyone has a deep relationship with the Lord. I cried because our 12 year daughter should not have to go through everything she goes through. I cried watching our 15 year old cry about how her sister motivates her. I cried out to GOD telling him “I know you see me Lord! I know you hear me! I am so grateful knowing you are never leaving my side!” My tears are an expression of love. I have so much love for GOD, my family, and for people.
The power of love and prayer are amazing. Showing and expressing to someone how much you love them can do incredible things. I hope as you are reading this you are thinking of ways you can do better at showing love to those who mean the most to you.
This life can be difficult. It can be down right mean. Love and prayer are what helps us get through those difficult times. Love and prayer.. such simple things that go such a long way.
I hope you enjoyed reading this blog. I have been through a lot in my 36 years. I enjoy sharing my story as I hope it can be of some help and/or some inspiration to you.
Do any of the above statements ring a bell? Is the voice inside of your head telling you these awful things? If the answer is yes or if the answer has ever been yes, then you have been a victim of fear. And fears are a bunch of LIES! Lies? YES, Lies!
FEAR: Forget Everything And Run???
OR
FEAR: Face Everything And Rise???
Which sounds better to you?
I experience fear every darn day. Doesn’t sound exciting or peaceful, does it?! The majority of my fears come when I sit behind the wheel of a car or when I am riding in a car. It worries me. Some days it petrifies me. I am scared “I’m not capable of doing this”. LIES!
The devil wants us to fear. The devil wants us to not trust in the Lord. If I just sat down in the car and told myself “God has this car ride in his hands. God, I pray for safe travels and if something does happen, then I am happy to know you will be with me and I will be okay”.
Back in 2015 I was in a horrific car accident. Did GOD see me through my entire recovery? Absolutely. So why fear?
Fear for me is my way of trying to prevent something from occurring. “Okay Stacy, I never ever want to be in a wheelchair again, so let me sit here hands clinched, sweaty palms, and scared while driving and that is going to change if a car is going to hit me or not.” NOT is right. It is these very moments that I want to smack myself right upside the head and yell “STOP THE FEAR!”
Fear is all in our mind. It is a waste of time and energy. Is fearing something going to change the outcome? No. Fear robs us of our happiness and takes away from our care free spirit.
Every single moment of every single day we have a choice. We can rise or we can fear.
If we hold onto GOD by faith, we have no reason to fear.
I am an emotional being. I do not think I have always been this way. I think it is is a combination of motherhood, raising a child with a terminal chronic illness, and traumatic experiences that have caused me to be so darn emotional.
January is a big month for our family. It is the month of my fathers, my husbands, and both of my daughters births. It is back to school after the long holiday break month. It is a very busy, chaotic month for me, but an extremely exciting one as well.
January brings a lot of emotions for me. January 20th, 2006 our youngest daughter was born. At the time of her birth we thought she was a healthy beautiful baby girl. In May 2006 we learned that although still very beautiful, she was not healthy. She was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis.
Natalie will be 12 years old in less than one week. Not every child with Cystic Fibrosis has made it to age 12…. bring on the flood gates 😪😪. This is one of the reasons why I am an emotional mess this month. I feel extremely blessed to have my daughter with me for another year. Some families with loved ones who are fighting against CF are not that lucky. Not too long ago I read a story about an 11 year old dying of CF. I remember years ago reading about an 8 year old with CF who passed away. Words cannot express fully how passionate I feel about finding a cure for CF and about being compliant with daily treatments and medications. Words also cannot express how grateful I am to GOD for allowing me to be apart of Natalie’s life and for all the time he has already allowed me to share with her.
Reason number 2 that January brings me so many tears is because of the miracle GOD graciously provided us with. 2.5 years ago we were told that Natalie may not survive a car accident we were in. GOD performed a miracle that day and during her special birthday month it hits me hard. I am taken back to that scary time period and remember all that our strong, brave girl has had to endure. It is much more than many people have to endure during an entire lifetime… and she is not quite 12 years old.
This makes me want to buy her everything possible for her birthday, but she rarely ever wants anything. This makes me want to freeze time, but we cannot. This makes me want to snuggle and cuddle both of my children 24/7, but they just do not get this and likely think I am crazy when I tell them I love them every time I see them even when I just told them 5 minutes ago.
During this month, all of the hustle and bustle we go through on a daily basis gets pushed aside and I really just take it all in. We are so blessed, so very very blessed.
January emotions… it is not a bad thing. In fact I believe it is a wonderful thing. When is it ever a bad thing to think about and cry about how blessed you are? Never. Today I ask you to focus on your blessings and thank GOD for all he has done in your life because we all are blessed and we all should be grateful.
It has been 2 1/2 years since our very publicized car accident. To this day we continue to encounter strangers who come up to us asking how we are doing. I do not talk about that day and the aftermath much anymore, but I wanted to update those of you who were interested.
Britney:
Britney is our emotional mother hen child. She does not talk much about the accident these days, but when it does get brought up the tears begin to flow. Because she was the least injured she is able to recall the events much more clear than Natalie and myself. She is now 14 years old and is driving with an adult. She is an extremely cautious driver but has no trouble getting behind the wheel. I think the accident has taught her to help a stranger when in need, never take life for granted, and that one should always be cautious behind the wheel. She is a very defensive driver, which I tend to like. She has also seen first hand how great our GOD is!
Britney nowMy brave daughter who ran in the streets yelling for help
Natalie:
Natalie is now 11 years old. She is our less emotional child who is more matter-of-fact. She does not remeber the impact much other than hearing me scream, however, she does recall her 2 week hospital stay quite well. When she talks about it she always talks about her “tubes”. She had multiple drains from her abdominal surgery as well as a nasogastric tube. She despised those things and hopes that nobody would ever have to go through what she went through. Her faith is stronger than ever. She is the most wise child I have ever met and has more faith in GOD’s timing and GOD’s plan than I can even begin to explain.
Natalie has 5 permanent teeth capped and will eventually need veneers. When these were first placed she cried and cried about how her smile had forever changed. This made me sob as well. Since the initial change she has rarely spoken of her smile. It is more beautiful than ever and that smile melts my heart each and every day.
Natalie nowMy sweet strong baby girl
Me:
I am doing pretty well. I go through periods of back, elbow, and ankle discomfort. I am sure that is just something I will continue to deal with. I continue to feel very blessed that 4 broken bones was the extent of my injuries because it could have been much worse.
When I drive I tend to hug the right side. When we were hit, the car came from my front left and I guess I am just fearful that I will get hit head on again. I do not like driving in the dark or the rain and snow. I do it every now and then and try to pretend it does not brother me so the girls don’t get worried. I remember after almost 3 months of me not driving I had to take my daughter to her CF appointment in KC. The drive there was a piece of cake, but on the way back it down poured the entire 3 hours we were on the road. I was holding on to that steering wheel as tight as I could and had to secretly wipe my tears without my girls seeing. I was petrified. I just cannot imagine going through what we had gone through again and it scares me.
I prefer driving over being a passenger, and I prefer my small car over our SUV. Sounds strange, right?! I think it is a control thing. I feel as if I have more control over our smaller car then I do in a bigger car. I get flashbacks from time to time while driving and tear up. That is something that will likely never go away.
I have not been able to get rid of the clothes we were wearing on that day. I am sure that is the most weird thing you have heard all day and I would agree. It is weird. With that being said I am going to take each article of clothing out of the bag one by one and throw it away right now. Why am I holding on to these clothes? I truly have no idea. Ok… LIES!! I cannot throw these clothes away quite yet. I get them out from time to time and just remember what we went through that day and the following months.
The scars remain and they will for a life time. We are all very fortunate to be alive and well. We give ALL of the glory to GOD. We have met some incredible people and cannot thank everyone enough for the prayers, their time, their love, and their support.
My second night back home after hospitalization. Pain med delirious. No shower. Keeping that smile and sending my Natalie a nightly pic.Me now
I want to end with this…
GOD is miraculous. GOD is amazing. I do not know how people recover from traumas without the big man above. He is the one who never leaves my side. He is the one who never fails me. I long to make him proud.
If you don’t know GOD and you want to know him please reach out to me. I am in a bible study, a new women’s group, attend church regularly, and have grown so strong and deep in my faith. I would love for you to experience the true joy of Christ.
So most of my blogs have been about my breast implant illness and all of the positives that have resulted from getting my implants removed. They have been based on my facts, research I have done, and the great improvements I have seen in my health. Today I want to write about what I have not shared before… the grieving process.
One month ago I decided I was going to try on my bikini tops that I currently have at home. I had gone crazy buying bikinis last summer so I have a ton of swimsuits. Because there is such a size difference I knew I had to try on each one to see how they fit. Insert meltdown….
See, for over one decade I bought bikinis with no cups, no underwire, no padding. With breast implants who needs all of those things?! All I needed was a thin piece of material and I could call it good. No way in a million years would I have ever predicted my implants would ever be removed. I was going to be 100 years old all wrinkly with saggy skin but perky breasts! #goals 😂
I tried on 4 tops and my eyes began to water. The first top gave me a uniboob. Second top was way too large. I was excited initially with the third top until I bent over and the top hung off of me. The fourth one actually fit as I could pull the strings tighter, but it sure didn’t look the same as it did last summer. I started asking myself why I took my implants out?! Why? Why? Why?!
I texted my husband immediately while I was crying.My husband has been more supportive than I could have ever imagined. He told me it was okay to be pissed off and it was okay to be sad. For every situation I have been presented with these past few years he has been right there. From being a caregiver to a chaeuffer, a shoulder to lean and cry on to a somewhat deprived husband during my recoveries (😏 I say “somewhat” because I definitely get a gold star for being a trooper and getting creative… I’ll leave it at that!). He reminded me how poorly I was feeling prior to surgery and where I am at now. It is truly a night and day difference and apparently I needed to be reminded of that.
I was still having a mild pity party when it was time for me to go to bed. I opened my nightly devotional and it talked about God having a plan for all things. I immediately felt relieved. I know this is all of a part of my life story and in time this huge change won’t be anything but a memory.
They’re just boobs. Isn’t this a perfect opportunity to be a role model to my daughters by showing them how to love your natural self?! BINGO– it hit me. I have now been given this opportunity to do great things. I don’t need implants and I never did. I am able to show women that even through adversity and trials that you can come out on top. Scars are not ugly. They tell a story.
I am not saying there is anything wrong with plastic surgery, enhancements etc. I am not against it one bit. As for breast augmentation surgery, I do feel like the studies have been skewed tremendously and women are not being educated on the potential risks other than the short term surgical risks. The majority of studies done on breast implants are being done for the first 3-6 years after breast implant insertion. Shouldn’t there be long term studies?! I had mine for almost a decade before noticing any symptoms. I have spoken to women who have had the same breast implants in their body for over 20 years and continue to complain of weird symptoms that doctors cannot figure out. And now the FDA has linked cancer to implants! More and more women are taking a stand and choosing health over beauty.
Despite knowing I needed to take charge of my health and get those toxic bags out of my body I still have my moments of missing my implants. Will I experience this a couple of years from now? I am unsure. I would hope not. As my husband reminds me there is so much more to me then those implants.
Bikini sadness….. it is my current reality, but I think it’s more because of the change and not the implants themselves. Although I may look quite different than last summer I am going to embrace my new look. The perks of having smaller boobs…
I no longer have to worry about falling out of my swimsuit tops. Fun Stacy fact: I was vacationing in Mexico a couple of years back with my husband and our friends. We were playing in the ocean and every wave that crashed against us took my top off. It was hilarious but also quite embarrassing. I finally was annoyed enough that I called it quits and got out of the water.
Shirts look better and honestly some of the bikini tops I have found look better as well.
Less boob sweat during a workout! 🙌🏼
Sports bras aren’t as difficult to get on and off. Man, that was always a challenge!! Any large breasted woman who sweats while wearing a sports bra knows exactly what I am talking about!!
So if you are considering getting your breast implants removed and are scared of the aftermath I am here to tell you DO NOT BE!! I was petrified and I am MORE than pleased with my outcome!!
Change is not easy but it is worth it. I am kissing those implants goodbye! 💋💋
It was the morning of December 27th, 2016 and I was officially 4 days post-op from my breast implant removal surgery. I was anxiously awaiting for Dr. Feng’s nurse to call me. We emptied all 4 drains and I was at exactly 30ml for the 24 hours. Dr. Feng requires you to have 30ml or less in order to pull the drains. Because I was right on the edge I was concerned I was not going to get them pulled. The drains were annoying and I wanted to get home. I was unable to fly home until the drains were removed.
It was around 9am and Bryn (the nurse) called. She needed to discuss the amounts with Dr. Feng and then call me back. A couple of hours later I got the call to come in at 12:30pm for my post-op and drain removal appointment. Yippee!!!! I was so excited! I was ready to ditch that hotel and fly home! And of course I was ready for those annoying drains to be pulled!! We eagerly began packing our belongings. My mother, who can be a bit much at times was trying to pack up the entire hotel room. My plan was to leave the Hibiclens in the room as I should not have needed it any longer and she wanted me to pack it. I had to use the Hibiclens the morning of surgery to help cleanse the surgical area. Why would I need this again?… apparently mothers are always right… stay tuned….
2 thumbs up for drain removal.. T-Rex arm style!We shuttled over to the clinic for a quick lunch. We opted for the tofu protein smoothie because we were pressed for time. YUM! So delicious! If you are ever in Ohio you need to try this!
Tofu Protein SmoothieIt was 12:30pm and I was called back to see the RN. She discussed everything that was going to happen at my appointment before she did anything. I sat in a chair and she reclined it back to where I was almost lying flat. She began unwrapping my ace wrap and then took my surgical bra off. I had imagined that this moment would have been glorious–like being free!…. but it was the opposite. I felt like I needed my breasts to be supported. It was just a foreign feeling to me and I did not like it. I did not look down. I was not sure I was quite ready to see what they looked like. The nurse then injected some lidocaine with sodium bicarbonate around the drains to numb the area. It stung just slightly. She proceeded to cut the sutures that were holding the tubing in place. Here are a few things I can tell you about my drain removal:
It was best to take a deep breath in and then exhale. Exhale as the drain is being pulled.
It was completely painless.
It was an odd sensation. It felt like something slithering inside of me.
It was definitely a weird feeling, but nothing someone should get too worked up about. The thought is worse than the actual removing of the drains.
The nurse then continued to pull the remainder of the drains. The last drain, which was the most bothersome during my recovery had a couple of popping sensations as she pulled it. This drain was on my left side and I could feel the drain up by my collar bone. My left breast was the one I had intermittent pain in for the past 10 months or so. The left breast was also the one that the radiologist saw some “possible suspicious masses” per mammogram (later a MRI cleared any suspicious lesions). The left breast also had delayed healing after my silicone implant surgery. And of course, the left breast was the one that was found to have silicone fragments in it during my explant surgery per pathology. Left breast… AKA my problem breast.
After all drains were removed Dr. Feng came in to examine me. I was still lying down in the exam chair. She looked at my incisions briefly then we walked to her office together. I stood in front of those bright lights again and it was photo shoot time. This go around I was not quite feeling the need to strike a pose. She took several pictures then examined me once again. Overall she was very pleased with my healing and my outcome. My problem breast (left side) was more swollen than the right. She gave me a strap to begin wearing when I was 7 days post-op. The strap was to be placed underneath both breasts to help with the swelling and to keep the skin below the breasts lying flat. The strap was to be worn at all times and I was to communicate with the nurses on my swelling to determine when I could stop wearing it. I still would not allow myself to look down.
The miserable, dreaded strap for underneath both breasts. So happy to be done with this thing!I went back to the nurses room where I then stood in front of a mirror topless for the first time since surgery. “Being squashed like pancakes is normal as you have been tightly compressed for 4 days now“. Omg she read my mind. I was wondering what the heck was going on! I am not going to lie… it was a bit scary looking! I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself that this was not my final outcome, and even if it was I was going to have to be okay with it because my health was more important. Pancakes. That is all I could think of. Squashed, squishy, thin pancakes and NOT the fluffy ones you see advertised on the IHOP commercials. “Fluffing” of the breasts occur after explant surgery. Everybody is different. Mine began fluffing around 3-4 weeks post-op.
The nurse then placed steri-strips on each incision, put my bra back on, and wrapped me back up in that awesome ace wrap (insert eye roll). She gave me my discharge instructions for restrictions and cleaning of the incisions. I was told no lifting, pulling, or pushing, and to keep my elbows by my sides for 2 weeks. I was to clean my incisions after they were scabbed with Hibiclens for 2 weeks. Of course my mother was right!!! Mothers are always right! So, when we got back to the hotel to get our luggage I grabbed that Hibiclens from the shower with an eye roll and a laugh.
Me admitting I was wrong about the Hibiclens. My mother felt the needed to document this moment.
My poor mother had to take care of all of the luggage as I could not lift anything for 2 weeks. It was already packed but needed to be loaded on a cart and transported downstairs. She gave me an incredible laugh as she was trying to maneuver the heavily loaded cart through the hotel out to the Uber.
She did it!We headed to the airport, got on the plane, and immediately headed home. The flight was fairly speedy and I was pretty comfortable. I attempted to sleep but was unable to. We had to stop in Springfield, Missouri to fill up with gas, so overall was about a 4 hour flight if I remeber correctly. We landed in Wichita around 8pm and had a welcome crew meet us at the airport. My husband, my daughters, my father, my brother, and my best friend and her family came out to welcome me home. They are the best.
HOME. Boy I was happy to be back home.
That was my surgical experience. Minimal pain and really one of the longest yet easiest surgeries I have ever had. I will continue to write about my recovery period more in the future.
On a side note…. this was taken exactly 10 years ago today…. why did none of my family or friends think this required an intervention?! Clearly some dresses are not meant to be worn with a certain chest size. There are no words for this other than I am loving my smaller boobs! Clothes fit better. I feel better. It is a win-win!
Some days having a child with Cystic Fibrosis gets to me. Not the fact that my daughter has CF, but on how I am making an impact on Natalie’s life.
I often catch myself doing Natalie’s chores, picking up after her, giving her multiple chances after I have told her to do something and she refuses… the list goes on. Pretty much treating her as if she is a baby sometimes. Yes, apparently I am that mom. The thing is I am only “that mom” with my Natalie.
She is my “Peaches” and I am her “Purple Petunia”
When I stop and think about my parenting actions with her I become conflicted. Should I be irritated at myself or should I just keep on keeping on? I do think I should be preparing her for the future. Is her boss going to give her chance after chance? (Okay, so we all know Natalie will be the boss of herself. She has got her daddy’s blood and I see entrepreneur in her for sure, not to mention she likes to argue everything that she is told to do #stubborn). Am I setting her up for failure? One day she will be off to college and living without her mom and dad 😓 and will have to take care of things herself…. yes, the thought has crossed my mind just to move in with her 😜.
Although folding the clean towels and putting them away only takes less than 20 minutes in a one week period I still struggle with making her do that one and only chore she has. She has Cystic Fibrosis. A disease that takes hours each day to fight. Isn’t that chore enough?!
I also get conflicted with is it fair to her sister that I help her out with her chore and not help her with hers?! Man, parenting can be tough! Luckily, Natalie’s big sister Britney has a soft spot for her sibling and understands how Natalie’s life is different. Usually Britney understands, however she is a teenager…. enough said 🙂
Big sister Britney doing Natalie’s CPT before she was able to wear a vest A sisters loveThere are moments when I look at Natalie and all I am reminded of is the daily battle she faces. I am reminded of the countless hours in the hospital and the doctors offices, the many lab draws, testing, and therapies that have taken place over the years. I am reminded of everything she has had to go through these past 11 years and it breaks my heart. Each day revolves around her disease. She has to wake up early, stay up late, and rush after school to get her treatments in.
Hanging with Dad before getting her PICC line inserted Darn PICC line lasted 2 days…. now have to stay in the hospital for 7 days. Dad working full time. Mom in graduate school and working full time–yikes!
So yes Natalie, let me clean your dinner plate
Sure Natalie go ahead and leave your backpack on the chair…. even though the mud room is a 5 second walk away
Of course I will grab your dirty clothes and put them in the laundry room for you
Yes Natalie, I will stop what I am doing to get you whatever you need during your treatments
Oh and while I am at it.. let me just go ahead and set up and then clean up your nebulizer treatments
—And let me just clarify: Natalie rarely asks me for help. These are all things that I pretty much offer to do for her.
To me, there is no right or wrong here. My goal as a parent is to raise independent, wise, kind, caring, hard working, christian daughters. So, if I am doing that then does the “babying” of my child really matter?! Babying her could hinder the independence, although she is already very independent at her 11 years of age. I definitely will keep this in mind as I continue to raise my children.
Parenting a child with CF is challenging. I am sure this goes for any child with a disability, a disease etc. Whether Natalie grows up folding those towels or not I think she will be more than okay. I am so lucky to be this girls mother and I am going to continue to cherish every moment I get with her.
This girl lights up my lifeI would love to hear from those who have children with chronic illnesses or disabilities and how this has changed your parenting style!
I took my second Xanax on the evening of my surgery day and slept like a baby. It was Christmas Eve and I so missed my family. The plan for the day was to rest, rest, and rest some more.
My fam Christmas morningI woke up this morning with a noticeable decrease in my neck stiffness. I chalked this awesome feeling up as a fluke or maybe that the nerve block was lessening my neck pain. (It’s been almost 10 weeks post surgery and I have not had one episode of neck stiffness or pain 🙌🏼🙌🏼. Neck pain and stiffness has been something I have dealt with for almost 8 years now).
It was around 7am and we needed to empty my drains. When I say “we” I really mean my mother. I had 4 drains and each of them needed to be stripped and emptied into a measuring cup. “Stripping” a drain meant to simply apply pressure and squeeze the tubing as one moves their finger from the top to the bottom of the tubing. The purpose of this is to attempt to get all of the drainage out of the tubing and into the cup. We had to do this every 4 hours. It took everything I had in me to be nice and not fake scream as if my mother was causing me pain. You’re welcome mom! It was pretty painless other than when my mother stripped the tubing I could feel pressure up in my chest. I correlated the pressure to the suction of stripping the tubing. I would not consider it pain. It was more of an ache or feeling of discomfort.
Disclosure: not to toot my own horn but my pain tolerance is exceptionally high. I simply am not a wussy! LOL. It’s weird.. I can handle surgeries without narctoics but when my husband decides to randomly slap my ass I scream like a baby. I don’t dare slap him back because he will make it his mission to get me back… some way, some how he wins! 😂
I continued to take my Arnica to help with the swelling, my vitamins to help with healing, a low dose 5 day course of Keflex (an antibiotic), and Tylenol as needed. That was it!
I was wrapped in an ace wrap and had to wear my surgical bra for a total of 2 weeks. The ace wrap was annoying. I was swollen all over from surgery and the ace wrap made me feel as though I was being suffocated. My stomach felt like I was 8 months pregnant-blah. My hands, arms, and face were also so swollen. I knew this was just temporary but the feeling was not fun. Feeling great on Christmas Day
I continued to eat organic, fresh healthy foods. I had a great appetite and was not nauseated luckily. I did have one mild dizzy episode which scared my mother, but I was not worried about it. The food was delicious minus one food that I decided to try. It was called the “Bella Burger”. It sounded interesting. One bite of this mystery burger was enough for me! YUCK!!! “Bella” as in portobello mushroom! Disgusting! I ordered a burger for some meat… not a mushroom! Otherwise my food consisted of soups, salads, and hummus.
The nurse called me every morning to check in on me and to get the drainage output numbers. She told me to start walking around the hotel to help with the swelling, so I put my slippers on and began walking. I could not shower until the drains were pulled and there was not much on television, so walking we went. I did not even pack a book because when I am laid up I am unable to focus. My mind races too much on things I need to do or how I am feeling that it prevents me from being able to read and retain info.
Sleeping was quite the challenge. I had to sleep somewhat upright in order for the drains to drain. Any of you sleep upright? Nope.. didn’t think so! It is not very comfortable. I won’t complain about my sleep because despite being uncomfortable in bed I actually slept pretty good. My body had been through a lot and it was going to get the sleep it needed no matter what.
Christmas Eve Snapchat fun. There is only so much television one can watchWondering if Santa can drop my family off in his sleigh while rocking the surgical bra and ace wrap
My Ohio Christmas left me with a bittersweet feeling. My family was more than willing to celebrate Christmas before I left for Ohio. My brother and my sister came into town sooner than they usually do to accommodate me. My parents were willing to watch the grandchildren open up their gifts a week before Christmas. My children of course had no problems opening up their gifts early! LOL. And my husband supported each decision that was made along the way. I was saddened that I could not be at home doing our usual family traditions, but I was relieved, happy, and grateful that I was able to have my surgery so soon. I was optimistic that this surgery was the first step to getting me back to the energetic, fun, sassy Stacy I was born to be.
Next blog will be on my post-op appointment, the scary drain removal, and the big reveal!
I slept like a baby and awoken with a sense of calmness… and a growling stomach! Nothing to eat or drink all morning-yikes! We all know how much I love my food 🐷. December 23rd, 2016 finally arrived… the day I was getting my breast implants removed.
My phone was blowing up all morning long with phone calls, texts, Facebook messages etc. I really felt loved and supported in my journey. I then said a prayer for myself, the surgical team, and my family (as I always do). I decided to wear loose fitting sweatpants and a front zipped hoodie for easy dressing after surgery. I had already been told I would need to keep my elbows at my sides for a total of 2 weeks so getting dressed was going to be quite the challenge.
Waiting in the Feng Clinic lobby for my surgery
My mother and I arrived at the Feng Clinic around 11:30am. I was ready! I was not nervous at all. I was actually very eager and excited. Sounds weird huh?! That is how poorly I was feeling.
I checked in with the receptionist and immediately they had me change into my surgical gown and a robe. I then walked into pre-op where I had to answer a bazillion questions about my medical history. They treated me to a nice warm neck pillow… this neck pillow puts my treasured Hot Hands to shame! It was a glorious heat.
Is this pre-op or a spa??!
The Anesthesiologist came in and asked me a bazillion more questions. We decided a Scopalamine patch was best for me as I have had a history of nausea with anesthesia. And yes I have quite the surgical experience. Between multiple hernia repairs, my breasts, and my ankle you could consider me an expert! 🙈. The Anesthesiologist and I had similar sarcastic personalities and we clicked from the get go. “I like you” is what she told me. I said “Well good, considering you’re giving me a shit ton of drugs and could make me never wake up… you better like me!” We laughed. She was awesome. Dr. Feng stopped by after she completed the morning surgery to say hello. I was already marked from the day before so she did not need to really do anything other than ask me one last time if I had any questions. I did not.
I hugged my mother goodbye and insisted she leave the pre-op area as I had scheduled her some spa treatments on the 2nd floor of the clinic. My mother was hesistant to leave, but how awesome is it that if something should have gone wrong they would contact the 2nd floor and let the staff know and would relay the message to my mother.
Around 1pm I walked back with my nurse (who is originally from western Kansas) to the cold operating room and laid down on the table. The nurses began hooking me up to the monitors and an IV was placed. The nurses then tell me I remind them of Charlize Theron. Really?! I don’t see it. Didn’t see it that day and still don’t see it but ok.
Comparison…. gosh she is gorgeousThe nurses began asking me about my family and home life. I started talking about my daughters and my husband and then………..
I woke up in the recovery room feeling extremely drowsy but feeling good. I remember my eyes feeling very heavy so I kept them closed for a long while. The only pain I had was my throat. I think my throat hurt me more than my breasts did. Surgery lasted a little longer than 5 hours so a sore throat was to be expected.
Dr. Feng saw me after I was more awake and alert. She reminded me that the capsules would be sent off to pathology and I would know the results in about 2 weeks.
“Everything went very well. Your implants were intact and looked brand new. Your capsules were very thick indicating that your body did not like your implants. Your previous surgeon did not repair your chest muscles. One side of your chest was cut higher than the other side, but I repaired them both. You also have an extra chest wall muscle on the right side. It is very rare and I did not know the name of it, but I looked it up and it is called the Sternalis muscle.”
She then asked me to take a deep breath. I remember thinking that was the deepest breath I had taken in years. I never noticed not being able to take a nice deep breath, but apparently my implants were heavy enough on my chest wall preventing my lungs from fully expanding. She was laughing at me because apparently in the operating room I went on and on about Freddy’s steakburgers, fries, and custard…. I don’t recall but c’mon duh! I hadn’t eaten all morning and no amount of anesthesia was going to suppress my appetite! LOL!
Before she left she showed me the photos she took in the operating room. I remember seeing my implants and capsules, but all I really wanted to see was what my breasts looked like currently! —-insert glorious music—-there they were. “Omg” I remember thinking. “They look exactly like they did a few hours ago but just smaller!!!” I was ecstatic. Throughout this entire journey I had attempted to convince myself that it really did not matter what the outcome was if it meant I would feel better, but it did matter to me. I will admit that I can be vain, and I am okay with that as long as that does not supersede more important things.
The surgery I underwent that day is called a bilateral implant removal and capsulectomy with mastopexy via the en bloc method. This means both of my implants were removed with the capsules attached to the implants. I had another set of capsules from my previous implants that she also removed. The entire capsules must be removed or else you can continue to have illness as whatever chemicals, toxins, bacteria, fungus, mold etc are still inside of you.
After I was more awake and alert I went back into my pre-op room to attempt to sit up and eat some fruit. I was tired but still feeling pretty good. The nurse administered 3 Arnica tablets to help decrease inflammation. I still had not had anything for pain. Dr. Feng does a nerve block to both sides of the chest and that lasts a good 48 hours, so I was really doing ok.
Despite the look on my face I was really feeling pretty good!
Fruit get in my belly!
While I was enjoying my fresh fruit the nurse educated my mother on how to empty my drains. I had 4 of them and the look on my mothers face was priceless. She was petrified! My mother was going to need to strip, empty, and record the fluid of each drain every 4 hours until my drainage was less than 30ml in a 24 hour period. Average drain removal is 3-5 days post-op. She sure didn’t think she had signed up to empty my bloody drains!
I took my next 3 sublingual (under the tongue) Arnicas and was on my way. My nurse wheeled me downstairs in a wheelchair, helped me into the shuttle, and buckled my seat belt. I was instructed to not pull, push, or lift for 2 weeks. I also needed to keep my elbows to my sides for 2 weeks because of the muscle repair. Those muscles needed to heal and the best way for them to heal is to rest them. The nurse would be calling me daily to check on my drain output, and with Christmas in just 2 days I knew I would not be getting my drains removed for at least 3 days.
Our shuttle driver was phenomenal. He drove slowly and prevented every bump he could, and even wheeled me up to my room. My mother opened the door because remember no pushing or pulling for 2 entire weeks …so much fun… NOT! I am an incredibly independent woman and find it extremely difficult to ask for any type of help, so definitely was not looking forward to this part of the recovery.
It was now time to attempt some food. When you have a surgery with Dr. Feng she sends you home with a signature soup and salad from her clinic. I decided I was going to try the White Bean and Kale soup.
White Bean and Kale Soup
The ones who know me the best and the ones who grew up with me know how picky of an eater I once was. I depised peanut butter. I could not stand seafood. I would not dare allow food to touch each other. I am not that picky person any longer. I truly believe that back in August when I was diagnosed with multiple food sensitivities and was forced to step outside of my comfort zone, that it was preparing me for these days for optimal healing. If I was that same picky eater what in the world would I have eaten during this crucial recovery period?! Low sodium is a must to get your drains removed in a timely manner. Not to mention the majority of the foods high in antioxidants and healing abilities were unique to me. The soup was delicious.
December 23, 2016 was a life changing day for me. I went from my DD’s… back to me. I took my Dr. Feng recommended vitamins, my Celebrex, my Arnica, and my last Xanax and called it a night. My mother propped up 4 pillows behind my neck and back as I was ordered to sleep upright for awhile and asleep I went….. that was until I caught my mom checking on me with a flashlight. I love to give her a hard time but I know she just cares.
My mom 🙂
From DD’s back to me….. and it feels fantastic let me tell you. No regrets!!! Below are some symptoms of BII and the chemicals that implants are made of. Please reach out if you have questions you would like answered!
GOD BLESS!
WHO AM I?
Welcome! My name is Stacy Wessley. I am a wife, a mother, a Nurse Practitioner, a Personal Trainer, a child of GOD, and just an everyday girl who just happens to have quite a unique story to tell. Click the FOLLOW button to subscribe to my blogs, and please contact me with any and all questions!
Reason number 2 that January brings me so many tears is because of the miracle GOD graciously provided us with. 2.5 years ago we were told that Natalie may not survive a car accident we were in. GOD performed a miracle that day and during her special birthday month it hits me hard. I am taken back to that scary time period and remember all that our strong, brave girl has had to endure. It is much more than many people have to endure during an entire lifetime… and she is not quite 12 years old.
This makes me want to buy her everything possible for her birthday, but she rarely ever wants anything. This makes me want to freeze time, but we cannot. This makes me want to snuggle and cuddle both of my children 24/7, but they just do not get this and likely think I am crazy when I tell them I love them every time I see them even when I just told them 5 minutes ago.
GOD BLESS! 
Faith Family Fitness 