Oh It Gets My Blood Boiling

Over twelve years ago I fell in love with a blonde hair, blue eyed baby girl. She was our second daughter and she was so itty bitty. We named her Natalie. From the moment she was born (just like our first one) I knew I would protect her at any cost.

Fast forward to when Natalie was four months old and was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis….. Cystic what?! Cystic Fibrosis. Look it up. Educate yourself on the disease. So now my mama protector role just majorly stepped up it’s game.

I went from making sure my child was breathing and not bumping her head into furniture while crawling to doing breathing treatments, sterilizing the s**t out of everything, being the “did you wash your hands” patrol, and a germaphobe. Not quite what I expected in life but I didn’t think twice about it because I am passionate about my daughter and her health.

So, what exactly is it that “makes my blood boil”? Well here we go…..

Cystic Fibrosis is primarily a lung disease. These poor kids and adults don’t get to just simply breathe. They struggle to breathe. Their lungs are full of thick, sticky mucus which makes it feel as if they are breathing through a straw. They tire easily as their bodies are trying to fight off the excess mucus and the infections. So…. here we have a child who already has compromised lungs and people CHOOSE to smoke cigarettes near them, before and after holding/hugging them etc! That is second hand smoke and it’s not good for anyone, let alone these sweet children who have this nasty disease.

I am told stories of parents who still smoke after receiving the diagnosis that their child has CF. The smoke is on your hair, your nails, your skin, and your entire body! Then you cuddle up next to your child with CF and they get it into their body. They are exposed to it. You are exposing your child to this harmful substance.

My daughter is twelve years old and for as long as I can remember when she sees someone smoking in the distance she plugs her nose and we give her the “All Clear” when the smell is gone. That crap is BAD!! And our sweet girl tries to do all she can to stay healthy and out of the hospital.

My frustration isn’t towards all smokers. You may be smoking a cigarette in a corner and have no idea that the girl walking past you has CF. I get it. You are not smoking then knowingly hanging around someone with a lung disease. So please take no offense to what I am saying.

Mucus and inflammation is already a problem with people suffering from Cystic Fibrosis. Add second hand smoke and it makes those things worse. It can cause chronic inflammation, which nobody needs. It can also lead to further lung damage and infection. Did you know that in people with CF, smoke exposure decreases their lung function by at least 10 percent? 😱

I have a job to do and that job is to protect my family; especially my already ill child. And oh does it get my blood a boiling when I hear or see someone smoking around their already ill child.

I do not judge those who smoke. That is their own issue… just please don’t make it mine.

As a passionate CF mama there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my child. My family is my life. ❤️❤️

If you have a loved one with CF and you currently smoke and want to stop please contact me or your doctor to learn how! Do it for your child. Really, you ought to stop for your own health.

GOD BLESS!

A Day of Miracles and Inspiration- Part 2

Do you remember the old Charlie Brown scenes where the teacher is speaking and all the student hears is “wha wha wha wha”? That was exactly what I was hearing when the doctors told me the extent of my injuries. I was unable to listen. I was unable to even care about what they were saying. I immediately asked the physician “What’s the news with my daughter? Where is she?”

Natalie never came back to that trauma room that afternoon. As I was lying on the cold hard exam table, shaking uncontrollably with a bladder ready to burst, all I cared about was Natalie. I remember feeling numb other than the worry I had for my daughter. The doctors began to tell me about Natalie.

Natalie has suffered extensive injuries. Her spleen is in pieces. She has blood on the brain. Her intestines do not look good. She is going to need a life threatening surgery and we are unsure of the outcome. She may be shipped to Denver.

Tears began to flood my face. My heart felt like it was in one million pieces. My body was flat against the cold hard table and I was unable to lift myself up to wipe my tears. They continued to flood my face and my neck. I got my face sutured and did not feel a thing. I was completely numb at this point. I do not remember much else about the trauma room except for the poor mans face as he was giving me this grim news. I was devastated.

I got wheeled up to my room in my bed and I remember seeing my mother in the hallway causing somewhat of a commotion (later I found out she caused one heck of a commotion because she wanted answers and she wanted them yesterday. I can appreciate that about my mother. She loves her family to pieces). As I approached my room I saw two of my very good friends in the hallway waiting for me. The tears I saw in their eyes is an image I will never forget. One friend later told me she was certain I was going to lose my baby that day and she did not know how she was going to help me through it.

I was numb. I had not eaten since breakfast and had zero appetite. My friends were at my bedside while Adam was with Natalie. The doctors at St. Francis did not feel comfortable performing such a high risk surgery on Natalie so they were thinking of flying her to Colorado immediately. The pediatric surgeon at Wesley was not comfortable doing it on her own, however, thankfully the Chief surgeon for Wesley agreed to assist. Both surgeons were going to take on this challenge together. Praise God! My daughter did not have to leave Wichita.

Before Natalie and Adam left for Wesley he ran up to my room. He did not have much time. He sat at the edge of my bed, held my hand, and began crying.

The Wesley surgeon agreed to do the surgery. It is going to take 5-6 hours. They said it is extremely high risk. Stacy, she may not make it.

She may not make it.

She may not make it.

She may not make it.

That was all I could hear.

How was this happening? It was not possible that I may never see my daughter again. We were just at church. She was supposed to be going to a play date. She was in school. She was so energetic and so lovable… this just could not be. Just the day prior we were out eating lunch together at her favorite spot.. Freddy’s. This was not real life.

Adam rushed out of my room to be with Natalie. I then began to think about what the doctors told me about my injuries…

You have fractured a vertebrae and will need to wear a back brace for 8 weeks.

We are unsure if your pelvis is fractured. There is too much swelling to tell.

Your right ankle is broken.

Your left foot is broken.

Your left ankle is sprained (later found out it was also broken).

I was devastated but I quickly changed my thoughts back to Natalie. I needed to get out of that hospital and over to Wesley ASAP. My friends tried to get me to eat but I could not. I ate a couple of bites of pizza and received a second dose of minimal pain medication. I have never been able to tolerate pain medication very well, so I only wanted a minimal amount, but I needed something. My back hurt so very badly. It was the worst pain I have ever been in… and I gave birth naturally so I know pain! 😳🤣

The house officer of St. Francis finally came into my room to tell me that they were going to make an exception to their policy and allow me to transfer to Wesley. Usually if you leave the hospital without being medically stable insurance will not cover anything beyond that point. They handled everything in a way that I would not be cheated for simply wanting to be near my daughter. I am forever grateful to both hospitals for their hospitality.

The rest of the evening is blurry. I was transferred and admitted to Wesley Medical Center that night. Shortly after I was admitted Adam and Britney walked in. Adam sat on my bed and held my hand.

Stacy, she is out of surgery. The doctor said what they saw on the scans was NOT what they saw when they opened her up. The doctors have no explanation other than a it is a pure miracle. It is a MIRACLE. She is going to be okay.

We cried together as we held hands. We were not able to hug as I could not bend or twist due to my broken vertebrae.

A miracle. God saved our daughters life that day. God performed a miracle that I was not sure was even possible. That moment, that day, this entire experience has changed my life forever. God performs miracles for reasons we do not understand and we do not need to. We just need to have faith and know nothing is impossible with him.

Back to the hospital…

Adam continued on…

They are uncertain of the severity of blood on the brain so they are taking precautions and will repeat scans soon. She will need to have the neck brace on for awhile. She did have some cuts on her spleen and her intestines that were repaired, but overall everything looked okay. They cut her open down the middle of her abdomen and she has about an 10 inch incision. She is on a pain pump and is still asleep.

That is all I remember about our conversation. Adam may remember it differently as I was traumatized and in pain.

I remember having a friend turn on the news and I learned of what actually happened to our family that day. I went from numbness to anger and then back to numbness in a matter of minutes. I laid in that hospital bed unable to move, unable to even urinate in the bed pan without extreme pain, unable to think clearly, and unable to feel anything. I heard voices of family members and friends but none of the words would sink in. My mind was on my babies. My two precious daughters who I would have given my life for on that day in order for them to be okay.

Somehow my husband had convinced Wesley to wheel me down in my bed to the PICU where Natalie was at. As they wheeled me into the room I saw my courageous warrior of a daughter lying in her bed…..lifeless. She was hooked up to multiple machines and had multiple tubes/lines attached to her body. The tears began to flow slowly. It wasn’t until I held her fragile little hand that I became sobbing uncontrollably.

I cried and cried and cried some more. Where was my energetic, full of life, sassy little Natalie?

She was nowhere to be found.

She gave me some reassurance as her hand gripped mine gently. She was weak, but she was alive. How could I ask for anything more?

My daughter was alive! I was uncertain of the future but my daughter was still on this earth with me. Her hand was in mine and I felt the presence of GOD. I felt comforted by the man who chose to spare my daughters life on that April 19, 2015.

I am so grateful that my husband was there with us that day. He used to travel a lot and I know God placed him home that day because we needed him.

While writing this blog I am reminded of the guilt I experienced by not being there for Britney. Adam was with Natalie, so I did not suffer from much guilt (yes still some guilt) for not being there for her, but Britney was basically parentless. Sure she had two sets of awesome grandparents step up to the plate but grandparents are not parents. She also had incredible friends assist her in so many ways. I am grateful that she is so selfless and mature and understood the trials that we were facing. Britney Lynn, you were amazingly brave on that day and throughout this entire journey! ❤️

April 19, 2015 was a day of miracles. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer and we had people all over the country praying for us. Social media blew up. Gifts and cards were sent. It was amazing.

God, thank you so much for the blessings you have provided us with.

Part 3 of this journey will be written in the future. Summer has been busy and I am enjoying the time with my family.

I ask every single one of you to hug your family a little tighter tonight. We never know when our time here on earth is complete.

God Bless!!

Love One Another

My heart is breaking for the recent amount of suicides that have been in the news. It is horrific to think that someone can be in so much pain that they choose to take their own life. As a Christian woman this truly saddens me.

Why is it when people are suffering from depression and/or anxiety or really any mental illness at all, they shy away from talking about it? My daughter has Cystic Fibrosis and I don’t ever shy away from speaking about it. My thoughts are, as a society we have told people with mental illness that

It’s all in your head.

Stop being so negative.

You can change the way you think.

Get over it.

You’re just mentally weak

Etc…

This is bullshit. Can someone “get over” their diabetes? Is heart failure “all in your head”? No! Mental illness is a serious medical issue. Yes, I said medical issue.

Now sure there are what I would refer to as Negative Nancy’s of the world. The people who tend to always be surrounded by drama. The people who see the glass half empty; not half full. Those are not the people I am referring to. I am referring to those with mental illness.

I had a great bible study this past week which really impacted my thinking. I think of myself as an extremely caring person. My friends pain is my pain. However was I being as godly as I could be? No. I decided that evening that I was going to do better. I was going to love all people. Not superficially, but truly love the people that ones may consider unlovable.

God changed my mindset last week and I would like to share it.

Imagine that person who you think is unlovable or the person you try to avoid because you don’t like them….what if I told you

Her husband is having an affair on her

His father who is his only friend is dying of cancer

Her mother verbally abuses her. Tells her she is fat, not good enough etc.

She is addicted to gambling and has spent her entire life savings and doesn’t know how to make her house payment

She goes to school every day and is bullied for wearing dirty clothes or for having a certain color of hair

She has no family or friends and stays home all day and binge eats in bed to make herself feel better; just to end up actually making her feel more ashamed of herself for binge eating and being overweight

He is caring for a son who is suffering from diabetes and the medication costs more than the income he brings in

Would knowing this now make that person lovable?

We as humans are judgers and I am guilty as well. We never know what people are going through and I believe if we just simply cared more about people we would have less suicides. STOP selfishly caring about how the person treats you, how they dress, what habits they have etc and do what we all are called to do… Love one another.

Reach out to the person you view as unlovable and reach out without judgment. Maybe they need a friend. Maybe they need to tell you what they are dealing with instead of holding it all in all alone. Maybe they need to hear your testimony. Maybe, just maybe YOU will be the reason they decide not to end their life.

GOD BLESS!

I lost my voice

Hello! It has been quite a long time since I have written. I temporarily lost my voice.

From time to time I sat down to blog and after the first couple of sentences I went blank. I was too distracted and I was unable to focus long enough to write. BUT… I am hoping that writing this means I am BACK!!!

I had been in a valley for awhile now. When things first began to decline I thought I was in the valley but boy was I wrong! That was not a valley.. that was just a bump in the road. Life just throws crap at you from time to time. I would imagine most of you have experienced some crap in your life, right?! If you have never been smacked in the face by a pile of s**t then count your blessings because that time is sure to come!!! That is figuratively not literally speaking…. at least I hope!

I was already going through difficult times and then our youngest daughter with Cystic Fibrosis was diagnosed with chronic pseudomonas. I then experienced yet another emotional roller coaster as I had to sort through all of my feelings regarding this matter after we got out of survival mode of making long term health care decisions.

I began to have mild panic attacks. At times I felt like I could not breathe. I suggested to my husband that we get away. We needed to de-stress as a family. We immediately booked a trip to Disney World and left the following week!

We had a blast! Unfortunately Natalie and Adam did not feel very well on one of the days we were there. I felt horrible for them. Bless their hearts-they pushed through and made it without having to go back to the resort. I was non-stop worrying for both of them. Why is it as mothers and wives we feel the need to take on their stresses and their illnesses? We are not Superwomen! I mean.. we ARE but we aren’t. If you are a woman you know what I mean!

Each day we were up early in the morning to get to the parks and up late into the nighttime to make sure we got each and every ride in. It was a great adventurous long weekend.

And I came home exhausted.

When we got back home my husband could tell I was still pretty stressed, so graciously he stepped up his “daddy” duties and got up with Natalie to do her medications. Typically, I just take care of it without any thought. 3 mornings or maybe even 4 out of 5 that school week he got up at 5:30am and let me sleep until we had to get the girls off to school. It was great and so appreciated.

It was not until a few days and a whole lot of arguments between my husband and I later that I realized getting away to Disney World and being on the go was not ALL I needed. The trip was great for the family, but now I knew exactly what I needed… a break.

As mothers we just do not get a break. We are constantly doing so much physically and mentally for our children AND our husbands. We run the household and with all of the added stress that was thrown our way these past couple of months I so badly needed a break from it all!

I needed a break from fighting with insurance companies. I needed a break from my ever growing to-do list. I needed a break from laundry, packing lunches, medication routines, transporting kiddos, arguments, and even just thinking about it all. I NEEDED A BREAK!

Of course, naturally I felt guilty. I felt bad for wanting to leave my husband and my kiddos.

Are they going to take that as me not loving them or liking them?

Can I really get away and leave my husband to handle everything?

I know he is capable, but is it “right” of me to do this?

Is this selfish of me?

I later had a moment of clarity…. Mama needed to take care of herself.

I left the following Friday early in the morning and headed to the TableRock lake area. The plan was to be in nature and to be away from distractions…. stress, phones, responsibility etc. The day was care free. I tried to not talk about my “problems” and just soaked up the scenery. There is something very peaceful about being away in your own thoughts in nature.

Self care is so important. Probably one of the top 5 most important things in life that we all need but yet we just don’t tend to do. Self care is not selfish. Self care is nothing to feel guilty about. Self care is a necessity.

I failed at self care and it took my voice temporarily. I was in crisis/survival mode and could not get out.

Well I AM BACK!!!!

Please take a moment and evaluate if you are in need of self care. When was the last time you did something for yourself that rejuvenated your entire being?

–side note: I have had multiple people reach out and yes I am fully aware I have not completed part two of our car accident blog. It is almost completed and I will post when done. My mind has been elsewhere. As always I appreciate all of your feedback, comments etc

GOD BLESS!

Rising Above

I think of myself as a strong Christian woman. I try to live and love like Jesus. I genuinely care about all walks of people. And although I can say the above without any doubt I do realize I am human. I am not perfect and I do not always act like God would want me to. If I did then wouldn’t I be God?

I was tested last week. I am going to share this story and I hope you get something out of it.

I was informed by a great friend that a couple of women who I would consider acquaintances now and maybe at one point I would have considered at least one of them a friend had been talking badly about me. I have not seen these women in over one year.

Stacy Wessley is the fakest person I know.

What the what?!!!! I would be lying or also known as fake (🤣🤣🤣) if I said this did not hurt my feelings at first. I do not like anyone to have bad thoughts about me. My teenage daughter heard this conversation and her jaw dropped. My mom is the least fake person ever! She posts pictures of her crying. She talks about her cellulite. She is so real and a great role model.

Like I previously said, I was angered and really confused at first. Why in the world would somebody say that and why would somebody say that about someone they do not even talk to/associate with etc?! Sadly enough children were a part of this conversation as well! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ Honestly, because we are not being fake here, I wanted to say bad things about these people. I wanted to be like oh they think I’m fake well they are……… but I did not. I decided to rise above. I do not know these individuals very well and have never had any bad interaction with them. I do not know their hearts. I only know them based on these actions and their actions speak volumes.

It took me maybe a whole two minutes for me to become unbothered by this conversation. I immediately began feeling sad for these individuals and the others (including children) involved in this conversation. I said a prayer for them.

I do not hold grudges. I do not hate anyone. I am sure I will see these women in the future and say hello or wave. Is that being fake? No. I do not harbor any bad feelings against them. I would approach them as I would approach any other acquaintance.

Their issues that they have with me is really not an issue with me. It is an issue within themselves. I do not take it personally. These kind of people talk about everybody, so why get offended? I did nothing wrong. I am real. I love who I am. I do not want to or need to impress anyone. I do not need to put anyone down to make me feel better about myself. I am me.

If you are in a situation with drama or negativity please RISE ABOVE. People who are hurting within themselves try to hurt others. Do not take it personally. Just RISE ABOVE.

GOD BLESS!

A Day of Miracles and Inspiration-Part 1

Nooooooooo!!!” I screamed. I braced myself as I hear the screeching tires and see the spinning white car forcefully hit our windshield. Then another hit. And then again once more. It all happened so quickly, but at the same time all was in slow motion.

I remember thinking this must be a movie. I remember thinking this cannot be real. As I open my eyes and see the flying debris, the smoke, the bloody airbag, and the cars in front of me at a halt I could not determine if this was a nightmare or real life.

The pain in my back was as sharp as a knife. I immediately call my precious daughters names… “Britney?! Natalie?!” Britney responded. Her voice was so innocent and I could hear the fear. Natalie only grunted. I turn around and all I can see is blood coming from her mouth. She was awake but not well. Her eyes and lifeless body suddenly told me that something was seriously wrong with her.

The pain begins to worsen in my back and now I feel the pain in my feet as I see blood dripping from my face. I look down and see both ankles the size of softballs. I cannot walk. I push the door open and begin yelling “HELP!”. I instruct Britney to get out of the car after I make sure she is okay. I tell her to watch for cars (yes, even in traumatic events I have my protective mama bear instinct in me). She starts running in the smoke filled street. HELP! Please help us!

A tiny, beautiful, brave, injured, traumatized, innocent little blonde hair girl having to run to get help.

Within what felt like seconds I saw a swarm of people running our way. Selfless, generous, genuine, caring individuals. These people were purposefully placed in our paths that day. The details are blurry as I had only one thing on my mind… my children.

I was then lifted from my drivers seat from a man I have never met and that I would never see again. I only allowed him to take me once I knew someone was taking care of Natalie. I lost sight of her for a few moments and I panicked. I saw flames. Where was Natalie??!! Britney was already on the opposite side of the street where I would be placed on the grass for safety. Britney has always been such a mama bear. She was standing on the grass keeping her eyes on Natalie and myself to make sure we were taken care of properly. She later told me that she was not scared. She knew what she had to do. Her fear did not set in until we settled in the ambulance and she got to actually look calmly at Natalie.

Natalie was placed in the grass behind me maybe 20 feet away. I heard a lot of people yelling. Commotion everywhere. People running to the flames.

“Natalie! Natalie! Mommy is coming!”

I was instructed to lie flat to protect my neck and back. I was instructed to also stay still, but no amount of pain, debility, or instruction was going to keep me from my baby.

I started scooting myself along the grass. I did as good as I could with a broken back, two broken ankles, and a broken foot. I was trying my best to keep my body flat while I scooted along the grass to hold my daughters hand. I finally got close enough to her that she could hear my voice and I could touch and see her. She was not well. Her voice was weak.

Mom, my stomach hurts. It really hurts.

I could hear how badly she was in pain by her voice. I told her not to speak any more. I wanted her to save up all of her energy. I did not know what lied ahead but I wanted her to have rest. I wanted her to be calm and to not stress. Several people began praying over her. Others were attending to her needs and asking her questions.

My husband arrived after he had received a phone call from a stranger on my phone telling him Your family was in a horrible wreck. You need to get here as soon as you can. He fortunately was only a couple of miles away as we had left Sunday church close to the same time. My father and my husband were going to play golf while the girls and I were headed home. He ran down the street from the nearest stoplight as fast as he could as my father was not driving fast enough for his liking. He came to me first and I told him to go to Natalie. He then knelt down beside her and immediately pulled out some of her teeth that were just sitting in her blood filled mouth. The terror I felt when I heard someone ask my husband “will you grab those teeth so she doesn’t swallow them?”

“God, what just happened??? God, please save us! God please save Natalie”.

I began bartering with God. I began telling him what all I would give up in order to save my daughters life. I begged of him to take my life and to spare hers. Yes, I realize this is not how God works. In the moment of crisis I needed to tell God how to handle the situation because that was all I could do. I had zero control. Our lives were in his hands and possibly for the very first time ever I realized that our lives are always in his hands. In between talking to Natalie and to the emergency room physician who just so happened to be at the church right by the wreck I kept praying.

“God, please heal Natalie. Take away her pain.”

I never prayed for myself. It never even crossed my mind. I did ask God “why us?” a lot on that April 19th, 2015. Otherwise I wanted my children to be safe and to feel no pain.

We were finally lifted into the ambulance. My pain seemed unbearable. I began shaking uncontrollably and became very angry. “What is taking so long? Let’s go! This is an emergency!” Never mind my pain. My daughter needed help and she needed it awhile ago. She continued to complain that her stomach hurt and by this time she was having difficulty talking. Natalie began grunting again.

It hurts mommy.

It hurts.

I am so tired.

I want to sleep.

I just want to close my eyes.

“Don’t you stop talking to me Natalie. You cannot sleep right now, okay? Please keep talking to me. You keep fighting.” My heart was in 1000 pieces at this point. I was dying inside for my little Natalie.

Britney, Adam, and myself were all telling Natalie she had to keep here eyes open. I am a Nurse Practitioner and I know how important it is to stay awake after an event like this. I refused to let her fall asleep!

Britney had reassured me time and time again that she was okay. Her chest was hurting and I could see a horrible burn from the seatbelt. She was brave. She was so strong and mature. She made a call to our friend Jill who was expecting Natalie for a play date to let her know she would not be there because we were heading to the hospital.

The moaning and the pain continued for Natalie.

It hurts.

Ouch it hurts!

My stomach!!!!!!!

The ambulance ride seemed to have taken forever. We finally arrived at St. Francis hospital and they wheeled us into the emergency trauma area in a hurry. Doctors, nurses, and resident physicians were all around me. While other doctors, nurses, and resident physicians were hovering around Natalie. They were asking us a billion questions while they were cutting off our clothing and examining us. I kept telling them I wanted Natalie to be addressed first and they reassured me she was being examined at the same time. All I could think about was Natalie. “Natalie, stay awake sweetie. You have to fight Natalie! You can sleep later!” I would hear her soft little voice respond to me with an one word response. She was still moaning.

We eventually went our separate ways when we both needed MRI’s and CT scans done. As they wheeled Natalie out of the room I told her “I love you Natalie. You do not stop fighting.”

That was the last I saw of Natalie until many of hours later. It was not until after I underwent my testing that I learned that I may never get to see my baby again…..

People are placed in our lives for a reason. The incredible people placed at the scene of the accident was not by mistake or by chance. God placed them there. God is great. God is my best friend. God can move mountains. Do not lose your faith in our God. He is mighty. He is good and he is gracious.

Part 2 of my story of miracles and inspiration will be posted soon…. stay tuned.

GOD BLESS!

Daughter of The King

The last four years of my life has not been easy. You may wonder why exactly that is. I have an AMAZING life. I have a great family and awesome friends. We travel.. ALOT. I no longer work full time. My husband makes a great living so we are able to afford much more than we deserve.. we do not live on much of a budget.

But what you don’t see in the above pictures is the trauma, the pain, and the valleys that my family had to go through to get me where I am today.

In January 2014 I was in a car accident that left me unable to walk for 3 months.

3 months sure felt like a lifetime and I was not sure how I was ever going to make it through. I listened to “Strong Enough” by Matthew West daily and my husband forced me to listen to “It’s gonna be the best day of my life” (I tried to resist at first because I was upset having to lay in bed all of the time-pity party at its finest! Lol). I was given a woman’s daily devotional at that time and the whole concept was new to me. I had never done a devotion and don’t even know what it really was. I did not attend church because Sunday mornings were for working out and getting a break from my kids! My father took the kids to church and I went to the gym. I knew GOD and I believed in him so I didn’t need to go to church. I saw myself getting closer to God during that long healing and rehab process. Our family began attending church regularly after that car accident and I even got baptized! I was reading devotions, attending church, and now I was saved… that’s all I needed, right?! WRONG!

Fast forward about eight months after I was fully rehabilitated and was only four weeks out from competing in my first fitness competition! My body was strong. I had built way more muscle than I had lost during the months of being sedentary. My determination was fierce. I was stoked about competing. I was super focused on my fitness.

On April 19, 2015 my daughters and I were in a horrific car accident on the way home from church. I was left with two broken ankles, a broken foot, and a broken vertebrae. One daughter walked away with a seatbelt abrasion while the other one was hospitalized for two weeks and my husband was told “she may not make it through surgery”. I will share this entire testimony in my next blog so stay tuned!

During this long recovery I cried out to GOD on multiple occasions. Many of which I remember to this day the exact feelings and words I experienced.

“GOD, why?!! Why me?! Why us?! I don’t understand GOD! I know you hear me. I know you see me, but why us???”

I was in a wheelchair. I could not bend, lift, or twist. I could not get up to the bathroom by myself. I could not even shower by myself and when I did shower I had to sit on the shower floor. You can see my smile in the pic below accompanied by my sad eyes…. and greasy hair! Lol.

I spent many of hours in bed. I also spent many of hours engaged in some sort of conversation or game time with friends who took the time out of their precious day to help a friend in need. We received cards, gifts, food from strangers. This recovery period, which was way longer than three months made me see GOD through people’s actions. It made me reach out to GOD in ways I never imagined. I needed him but more importantly I wanted him. This car accident changed my life forever and I am grateful that this horrific event has brought me to where I am today.

Fast forward to December 2016 when I decided to take the plunge to get my breast implants removed due to illness. My relationship with GOD was continuing to progress by reading daily devotions and praying almost daily. It still was not where I am at today and looking back I know it was not where GOD wanted me. I leaned on him again during the surgery. I pleaded with him to find me answers when I could not find any of my own. I woke up one morning and just knew that God wanted me to share my story so I did it without hesitation. The healing process was not an overnight one and I leaned on him to help resolve my issues and to give me strength while recovering.

The summer and fall of 2017 has brought some heavy stressors into our lives. I began going to a Christian counseling center as I needed help sorting through some feelings and needed help with the trauma of the car accident.

It never dawned on me to go before and one day I woke up and I just knew I needed help. I am a hot mess of anxiety in the car ever since the accident and I did not know how to change that. It is no life to live being full of anxiety. I needed help. The counselor that God led me to has been nothing shy of a miracle. She is compassionate, she is wise, she prays for me, she is a Christian, and she has helped me in ways that I could do not myself. Thank you Jesus!

I decided last fall to join a women’s bible study that my best friend was hosting (Thank You Shelia!). This study has opened my eyes in a new light. The studies have made me realize that just because I listen to Christian music, pray, attend church, and read daily devotions that does not mean I am progressing my relationship with God. A relationship is not one sided. I certainly felt that he wanted more from me. I began reading the Bible in silence. I began studying his word.. not just reading it. There is a huge difference!!! I can read something all day long but wouldn’t it be more beneficial to actually study it? To figure out what it actually means and what I can do with these words to incorporate it into my own life? I began trying to live more like Jesus. My thought processes turned to..

  • is this the right thing to do?
  • Would God be proud
  • What does God want from me in this situation?

Once my thought processes changed my life started to change. Things did not bother me as they once did. I saw certain situations in a different light. I was reborn. God did not choose me… I chose him. He loves us all equally.

Do not let God be speaking to you and you not listen. When God speaks, we LISTEN! When God is speaking to you, when God is working in your life, when God is telling you he wants more DO NOT let that marvelous opportunity go to the waste side! Use it! Be reborn! Be who God intended you to be! Be in silence and study his word to figure out what he wants from you. It is not our job to do so. It is our opportunity to do so.

God has spoken to me on so many occasions. God has done miraculous work in my life. It may have taken me 35 years to hear him, but I have heard you Lord Jesus and I am not wasting the next 35 plus years of my life by not using the tools you have given me for your goodness.

God gave me this passion to be his healer on earth. No, I am not the ultimate healer but I have zero doubt that he wants me to help him. He wants me to open peoples eyes to him (healing them spiritually). He wants me to use my education AND my personal experiences to help people from illness (healing physically). He wants me to use my words to tell people no matter what you are facing it is going to be okay (healing mentally).

GOD has huge plans for me and my family and I am honored to be the daughter of the King!

GOD BLESS!

2 Corinthians 5:17

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun.

Click follow on the bottom of this page if you would like email updates for my blogs. Reach out to me if you are struggling in your faith. I always love hearing from you! Remember GOD has plans for you too!

FAQ’s

I compiled a list of questions that I frequently receive about my breast implant illness. Hopefully this is helpful to those of you who have breast implants, know someone with them, or have daughters that you want to educate on this subject matter.

  • Do I think everyone with implants suffer from breast implant illness they way I have?

No. Do I think breast implants put everyone’s body through added stress? Absolutely. I have seen women have implants for 30 plus years and then get ill. I have seen women have them for less than 3 weeks and get ill. We all are different and our bodies process things differently. I will say NO woman’s body is going to sit back and not have some sort of reaction or compensation to a foreign object in their body that is made up of poisonous chemicals. Plain and simple. There are so many different symptoms and with many levels of severity. There is no symptom that is normal. If you are experiencing any sort of symptom please reach out to me! Below are what implants (saline AND silicone) are made up of.

  • Why did I fly to Ohio to get my breast implants removed?

I flew to Cleveland, Ohio in late 2016 because I had not heard of anyone locally having the same problem. I later came to find out that there were so many people who had and they reached out after I shared my story. I felt like I was a first in little Wichita, Kansas and wanted to go to the same surgeon the celebrities who had gone public with their illness had gone to. I researched many hours a day, prayed fervently, and chose Dr Feng to be my doctor. The explant surgery needs to be done properly and I wanted an expert. Here is my post surgery plane ride home. I was in Ohio for 5 days total.

  • Are there any tests that can tell me if my breast implants are making me sick?

Unfortunately, no. There are several tests that can tell you how stressed your body is. There are some tests that can tell you the amount of inflammation your body is experiencing, but not one specific test for breast implant illness. I exhausted ALL other options. What else was I supposed to do to get healthy? Something was wrong. I could not find answers, so I took the plunge… after over one year of not feeling well and I absolutely am beyond grateful that I did! Below is a picture of me before surgery. I had blood drawn time and time again and nothing showed up.

  • My plastic surgeon did not warn me about this. Why not?

Ummmm… Hello!!! Do many salesman give you full disclosure on their products? Do plastic surgeons want to advertise this and potentially lose patients? NO!!! In May 2016 my search of my medical mystery continued, so I went to see my plastic surgeon who inserted my breast implants. I asked him specifically about breast implant illness. He laughed and then told me about a study in Europe that followed an “unknown amount of women” (RED FLAG!). The study concluded that there were no symptoms reported within the first two years of breast implant insertion. (RED FLAG!) Wow a whopping 2 years?! What a joke! Want to know something that is almost more laughable???….. I believed him. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ I did not seem to care about the specifics back then because “thankfully I could keep my implants!”. See how exciting it was to hear it “definitely was not” my breast implants causing my symptoms!!

It was not that I was in denial. I was not educated on this illness. I had never heard of such a thing! Now that I am educating you… DO NOT BE IN DENIAL!

  • Am I against breast implants?

This is a firm YES. There is no reason to ever risk your health. Period. I make this stance well known to many people and especially to my two precious daughters. No way do I believe it is a wise decision to put something that is made up of paint thinner, acetone, and printer ink in your body. I obviously learned the hard way and that is okay. My daughters have had to see first hand what harm breast implants can do. They are so happy to have their mama feeling so good!

  • Do I judge those with breast implants?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I was not put on this earth to judge and although the people who knew me back in high school would probably refer to me as Judgey McJudge Judge (🤣), I am not that person any more.

I will give you an example to help you better understand where I am coming from with this question. I had excruciating, debilitating neck pain for years. If someone came up to me and said “it may be your breast implants causing this”, I would have heard them out but likely not done anything with that information. If there was a test and it showed that yes my neck pain was 100% secondary to my implants, I still may not have gotten them removed! That’s the thing about life… sometimes it takes something horrible; something horrific to open your eyes. Was my neck pain horrific and horrible? Yes. But honestly I do not think I still would have taken the plunge. It is sad but true. Who am I to judge anyone for what they choose to do with their own bodies? I have so many friends who have breast implants (some with symptoms and some who I have no idea about), and I love them just the same and do not question why they are not removing theirs. I just hope that if symptoms do present or worsen that they are brave enough to choose health over implants. I refuse to say “Health over Beauty”, because no beauty has been removed from me by removing my implants.

  • What are the symptoms of breast implant illness?

There is no magic symptom. These symptoms can mimic many other medical issues unfortunately. The list of potential symptoms are below. Some of mine that resolved with explanation are not listed.

  • Have I ever regretted getting my breast implants removed?

That is a big NO. Not once have I regretted making this decision. Did I have a rough day of trying on bras and bikini tops for the first time? HECK YES! But even during those difficult times of change I did not regret it. My first bra and bikini attempts where shortly after my surgery and my breasts were still changing. I had implants for over 10 years so it was much more about a change and less about the physical appearance.

  • What was the recovery like?

Recovery was so much easier than I had expected! The surgery was five hours long and really the worst part was my uvula pain from having the intubation tube pressed up against it for so long. The pain was minimal and other than two days of Celebrex I only took Tylenol for pain relief. I had some pretty annoying post-op restrictions but they were short term and really were not terrible. I had to leave my elbows at my sides and could not push or pull anything for two weeks total. I am a pretty creative chic and found my legs and feet more useful than ever before!

I hope this blog gave you some helpful information. Feel free to share if you know someone who may be suffering from breast implant illness. And please reach out with any questions!!

GOD BLESS!

Being True to Yourself

The last few weeks I started seeing a trend. People posting the below picture comparison. People changing their Facebook profile pictures to the below “FASHION Magazine” photo. I tried it out for myself and below are my results. I tried it out for one reason and one reason only.. for this blog.

Although many of you may disagree, and that’s completely fine, I don’t like the photo on the right. It looks fake and even worse… it does not even look like me!! Where is Stacy in that photo?!

This is the true me. The me with no make up.

Then you have the me with makeup

Personally, I think any 3 of these pictures are better than the “Fashion Magazine” photo.

Have you ever wondered why you see so many celebrities go to rehab? Think about the pressure they are constantly under to be someone that they are not. I am not talking about acting in a role.. I am talking about their image.

If they go to the grocery store wearing sweat pants with no makeup the headlines state they look “homeless” or they are in a “deep, dark depression”. If they do not consistently have the facials, the personal training, and the plastic surgeries then they have “let themselves go” and are “irrelevant” now. How exhausting is that?!

I do not like the photo on the right because it shows zero imperfection. Guess what… I have cellulite. Guess what… I have 2 huge dark sun spots on my forehead from being a stupid teenager and using tanning beds 4-5 days a week 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️. Guess what… I have 2 scars on my face. One from a soccer ball hitting my glasses as a kid and the other from a horrible car accident that left me with sutures and now a scar. Would you see any of that in the right photo above?.. no. That picture does not tell a story. It does not tell my incredible life story.

Don’t get me wrong, I love make-up. I love facials, lasers, and Botox. I am not against any of those things. And trust me, if I could get rid of every cellulite or dimple on my body I’d be the first in line!! Sign me up! 🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️. I wear make-up daily. I get Botox in my forehead. I get facials.

No matter the amount of Botox, facial, laser treatment etc you can still see the true person beneath. You still see Stacy. My heart shines through in my pictures.

I have such a huge following of teenage girls and I want to.. I NEED to spread this message in hopes that they don’t go down the wrong path. Be true to yourself. Embrace your imperfections because nobody is perfect. The women and men you see on television and in the magazines are not perfect. It is an illusion. It is deception. There is nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself as long as you stay true to who you are.

As women and men we have a huge responsibility to our youth to be examples of being true to yourself. It is important to love our youth unconditionally. It is important to love them for who they are. God created each of us uniquely for a purpose.

Below is what motivates me to stay true to myself…. my family and my amazing GOD. Remember, don’t settle for that fake picture on the right…. you are better than that.

Thank youfor reading and GOD BLESS!

The Power of Love and Prayer

It has been a rough last 24 hours in the Wessley household. There have not been any catastrophic events. There have not been any major fights or issues. Nothing new or different in our household really. It has been one of those times where we have all been so strong for so long that eventually the pain and the struggles comes out.

Having two daughters makes for a pretty emotional household at times. I am sure my husband would definitely agree to that one! The girls and I are really not moody people… but we are females. One minute you want one thing while the next you want something different. Or suddenly you stopped liking the food you used to eat daily and why didn’t your husband (or dad) read your mind and know you did not like that food any longer?! Lol. We are females and females can be confusing!

My husband and I recently finished reading “The Purpose Driven Life”. I highly highly recommend everyone read this book.

Because it was such an incredible book we decided to read it aloud with our daughters. At the end of each chapter there is a bible verse and a question. While answering the question, our oldest daughter Britney began tearing up. She went on about how much she is motivated by her sister. Her sister battles Cystic Fibrosis and watching what she goes through on a daily basis makes Britney push through whatever she is faced with. It melted my heart to hear her talk about her sister in that way. She was expressing her LOVE for her sister. It also was another example of how when one family member struggles, it is really a family struggle.

I spent a large amount of time in our prayer room after that moment. I spent time reading the Bible, praying, crying, and just sitting in silence. There is so much power in quietness and in scripture. It is amazing when you just sit in your thoughts how calming it can be. The below picture is our prayer room. It is our spare bedroom’s closet. It is now completely filled with pieces of paper with prayers written on them. It is a powerful room.

Our youngest daughter, Natalie, who battles Cystic Fibrosis, had five temporary caps placed on her teeth after shattering those teeth in a horrific car accident we were in almost three years ago. One cap had fallen off yesterday evening and I was hoping she could be seen by her dentist and a new cap would be placed today. I called as soon as they opened and they were able to squeeze her in! The appointment lasted about one hour and then we were good to go. On the way to pick her up some lunch before she headed back to school I suddenly noticed how quiet she became. She was crying.

“I just want to have normal teeth. Why did this ever have to happen?”

My heart broke for her. Day in and day out this girl has so much to do in order to just keep functioning. Her disease is time consuming and it is stressful. The thought of her having added stress just kills me.

“Sweetheart, your teeth are beautiful. I understand it is not fair and I hate that you have to go through this.”

I then told her about a prayer I started saying a few weeks ago…

GOD,

Please help me accept the things

that I cannot change.

I said that prayer to her, put my hand on her leg, and told her I loved her. Within seconds she was smiling and excitedly telling me a story about school.

I realize it appears that I always have my shit together but let me be transparent with you… I do not. Sure I do most of the time, but not always. Almost every day this past week I have teared up and/or flat out cried. Even the strongest of people break down and cry. It’s us strong ones that don’t stay in the tears. We pick ourselves back up and carry on with our lives feeling extremely blessed.

No, I am not depressed. I am passionate. I am passionate about so many things in this life. I cried when I heard the story about the Florida shooting because those who are affected are my brothers and sisters in Christ. I cried because there is so much evil in this world and I am so sad that not everyone has a deep relationship with the Lord. I cried because our 12 year daughter should not have to go through everything she goes through. I cried watching our 15 year old cry about how her sister motivates her. I cried out to GOD telling him “I know you see me Lord! I know you hear me! I am so grateful knowing you are never leaving my side!” My tears are an expression of love. I have so much love for GOD, my family, and for people.

The power of love and prayer are amazing. Showing and expressing to someone how much you love them can do incredible things. I hope as you are reading this you are thinking of ways you can do better at showing love to those who mean the most to you.

This life can be difficult. It can be down right mean. Love and prayer are what helps us get through those difficult times. Love and prayer.. such simple things that go such a long way.

I hope you enjoyed reading this blog. I have been through a lot in my 36 years. I enjoy sharing my story as I hope it can be of some help and/or some inspiration to you.

GOD BLESS!!