For over one decade of my life I paid zero attention to or noticed other women’s breasts. It was not until I was around one month post-op from having breast implant removal surgery that I started to develop boob envy. I was lying in bed watching one of my favorite shows, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (stop judging me-it is a great show!), and I noticed everyone’s breasts in every scene! I caught myself not even listening to or watching the show and was only paying attention to the boobs. Silly, huh?! Isn’t that what middle school and high school boys do when they are around beautiful, large breasted woman?! “Look at the eyes boys, look at the eyes!”. These women on the Real Housewives show are beautiful and all have very obvious augmented, large breasts. I began to tear up. I was never going to look like that again. I was never going to fill my shirts out the way I once did. This was a huge change for me and apparently it was finally sinking in.
The watery eyes only lasted a couple of minutes as I forced myself to pull it together. I needed to “pull those tits up and get to that PTA meeting” 😂😂 (my favorite line from the movie Bad Moms). I was being weak and stupid. I did not need to have larger, augmented breasts to be beautiful. Beauty to me has never been defined by someone’s breasts, so why I am focusing on it now?!
A few weeks went by and I was really liking the way my breasts were looking. I was still having to wear a sports bra at all times, but they were starting to become less sensitive and more a part of me. They were “fluffing” and taking a more natural, rounder shape. My husband and my closest friends had already made multiple comments about loving my profile and how great my breasts looked for my body type. I was beginning to agree with them.
Despite being happy with my overall look I would still catch myself looking at other women’s profiles when out and about and at the gym. I would have to imagine that most people who undergo major body transformations would suffer from this as well. You compare yourself to others around you when really why does it matter? It does not. It should not matter to me what my profile used to look like. It should not matter what other women look like. None of that should matter, but yet I continued to let it overwhelm my thought process at times.
I was a little over 2 months post-op and was heading to Las Vegas soon. I have always loved, loved, loved Vegas. Getting all dolled up, dressing classy and sexy, and not having a single insecurity is what Vegas has always been to me.
I was fearful about the upcoming Vegas trip. Was I going to be able to accomplish the sexy look? Was I going to be able to still have that confidence I always exude? Fearful I was. You may be reading this thinking I am some woman that is hyper-focused on her looks or that physical appearance is all the matters to me. Well, it is not. This blog post is just a small piece of me. I am much more than my physical appearance yes. I am intelligent, successful, kind, giving, caring, hilarious…. I could go on and on, but I think you get the point 😜.
My Vegas trip was a success. Was shopping a bit of a challenge? Yes it was. However that had nothing to do with my breasts and had everything to do with not packing a single outfit and having only so many hours in the day to find the right attire, shoes, lingerie, etc. A woman’s life is so rough-LOL! As you can see I was full of smiles despite my cup size. I did not have to fake confidence as I found some outfits that really flattered my frame.
Although I feel like I have had moments where I am worse than a teenage boy I am happy to say that I am overcoming my boob obsession. Will it ever go away completely? I am unsure. Only time will tell. All I know at this point is that never once have I regretted my decision of removing my breast implants. I am loving the way that I look and more importantly I am feeling so much better with those things out of my body.
If you think you are suffering from breast implant illness and are scared of life after getting your implants removed… DON’T BE!!! I was petrified of the unknown as well and I am hear to tell you I would have done the surgery sooner if I would have known how incredible life would be after removal! Reach out to me if you have any questions at all about my breast implant illness journey.